izzielosthermind: stabla: if you think your family is dysfunctional remember that zeus got a woman pregnant but she burned to death so he rescued the fetus from her ashes and sewed it into his thigh and gave birth to it himself and that fetus is now the god of wine and sexual deviancy god bless My great aunt stabbed her husband in the stomach on their anniversary and he decided not to...
facebook: someone added a photo of you
luisstacks: she went hard though
cokeflow: black holes actually exist and here we are worrying about whether people on the internet like us or not
This is what I don’t get - Women are impure because males have touched them....– Comment on Jezebel article “Female ‘Purity’ Is Bullshit” (via jececilia)
beyonces-butt: I hate it when you’ve been really on edge for a while and then you have a breakdown over a little thing and everyone thinks that you’re getting super upset about not washing your hair
yeahitsmarco: *phone vibrates while sitting on it*
It really must suck being a guy because if you have a little penis the only girls you’re gonna get are probably ugly and own 12 cats
wheeeeeeeeeeew: This is the best thing on the internet.
jaseherondale: childrapist666: edwad: jaseherondale: Did you know that in Australia it’s five times more likely that you’ll pick a partner based on humour rather than looks so if you’re ugly but a hilarious motherfucker then you’re almost guaranteed love yea but have u ever seen an ugly australian i am waiting for an ugly australian to add their selfie to this post pls do it is...
I really want to contact the mayor of Virginia beach and ask WHY THE FUCK YOU’D SEND A ROOKIE COP TO A CRIME SCENE WHEN HE ISN’T EVEN DONE HIS TRAINING FUCK DUDE
floozys: i’m really sick of the phrase “find yourself” you don’t find yourself you make yourself you’re a blank canvas don’t waste your time looking for blank canvases when you’ve had a paint brush in your hand the whole time you can be anything you want to be you don’t need to find yourself you already have yourself now paint
WHEN I TAKE A SIP OF MY FAVORITE DRINK
trixietang: if you call yourself ugly, i’m just gonna agree w you got no time to make your ugly ass feel better
thecompanionsdoctor: Whenever my friend says goodnight to me on Skype he sends me this gif and I wanted to send it to him tonight so I went to Google “black man turning off lamp” but Google autofill changed it to “black man turning into jet” and I got this Long story short it’s 1am and I’ve been laughing at this for approximately 20 years
I’m really horny
listen ok: bmoburns: also do you know what annoys... →
bmoburns: also do you know what annoys the heckie out of me? when people are like, ‘oh! don’t have too much sex or you’ll be loose as a wizard’s sleeve down there!’ uhm no the vagina is a muscle that can expand up to 200 times its original size and go back to normal, its. a. muscle. it can…
thankyousweetheart: emilioestevez: story time so about 7 months ago, my girlfriend at the time asked me to move in. so i did and we lived together for roughly 6 weeks. she asked me to move out until i was mature enough to live with a girl because in those 6 weeks i drew a dick on her face while she was sleeping 11 times. I wish my stories were as good as this
welcomebackronberto: How to successfully seduce someone: Step 1. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )
white dad in any movie: but son, you're throwing away your DREAM
white son in any movie: no dad, I'm throwing away ~yours~
It’s eleven o clock and my dad just got home from work with a box of mangos
lizzlemcguizzle: i take you to the candy shop